Jennifer Ruiz never imagined her birthday trip to the Mediterranean with her partner would end with a break.
THE Florida-based travel writer and his partner had been planning the January 2023 cruise around destinations like Greece and Turkey for six months.
This was not their first trip. The two had traveled together before and sometimes argued, but that didn't deter his enthusiasm. As a seasoned traveler, Ruiz was accustomed to navigating airports, but her partner had trouble getting on a plane. “We viewed air travel as a tense thing because of his preferences and mine,” she said. Suffering from tinnitus, he didn't like flying and would like to “isolate himself” while she was more relaxed. “They didn’t necessarily fit the way we travel, especially because you’re stuck in a tube for so long.”
Ruiz felt like the disunity between her and her partner's travel styles compounded other issues they had in the relationship. “They are made worse by context,” she said, even though no one was really right or wrong. He was on a strict diet and felt uncomfortable asking for specific requests, while she just wanted to enjoy all the food on board.
On board of cruise ship Overall, Ruiz said the lack of space — “that element of being stuck (in a cabin) and being on the water — continued to add to the tension throughout the trip. It was her partner's first time going on a cruise, and as someone who liked to stick to her routine, he ended up getting “pissed off”, which, in turn, made her “defensive” .
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Breakups are hard enough at home. Add hundreds or thousands of miles and a time difference, and it gets even more complicated. For some couples, this may have taken time, while for others, the trip itself may play a role.
The little things started to add up and eventually, in Santorini, the couple had a big argument and she said her partner took off and “disappeared in the middle of Santorini.” Ruiz remembers feeling “resentful” because this was how the two spent their day in “the most romantic place on Earth.”
Back on the ship, Ruiz learned that her Facebook profile – vital to her work as a content creator – had been hacked. Instead of consoling her during the crisis, her partner took a seat outside on the balcony with the door closed. “It was a really horrible birthday,” she said.
They separated shortly after and had to spend the last two days of the cruise together. “It was really hard,” she said. He returned home and she left for Egypt, as planned.
From this experience, Ruiz realizes that she should have left the relationship sooner and that she was “forcing things” through this journey. “It’s like trying to fit a square into a hole.”
“Travel is definitely a test of your compatibility,” she said. “It's important to know the other person and not think you can just work around things. They're not going to get better just because you're on vacation.
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Tips for Traveling During and After Breakups
Kiaundra Jackson, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said breakups are often caused by an accumulation or combination of factors. However, traveling can add new variables and stressors.
Even before the trip begins, some travelers are planners while others “need a little more help with that,” Jackson said.
“I think it can be frustrating for some couples where there's a lag in completing tasks,” Jackson added. “And that could cause friction.”
Travelers may also have more free time and fewer responsibilities when away from daily life. “And sometimes it can get you in trouble,” she said. “You might be drinking or hanging out with people you met there, and there might be some attraction, cheating, or breach of trust.”
She recommended that couples considering traveling together take a lower-stakes test, such as a stay or car trip somewhere near my house. Also consider talking about your vacation styles.
“'Do you want to be lazy and lie in bed all day and be by the pool, or do you want to do something more adventurous?'” she recommended asking. “And just have those conversations so you can at least get a sense of what they would be like on a real vacation, instead of being completely surprised when you're in the thick of it.”
If couples decide to leave, Jackson recommends making sure they have access to their own money in case something happens and they need to find separate accommodation or arrange new transportation home at their home. It's also a good idea to have a “support person” who knows their relationship well.
“You just want to have at least one person who knows where you are, who knows you're safe, and not just physically, but emotionally,” she said.
When it comes to traveling with an ex, Jackson said it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. “If taking this trip is going to send you into a downward spiral and make things worse, and now you're completely away from everyone close to you, it's probably not the best idea to take this trip,” she added. . Although some couples may do this depending on the circumstances of their separation.
Alyssa Meza's ex-boyfriend Nick asked her to go to Thailand with him on their first date. It started as a joke, but less than a month later she flew to Bangkok where Nick was working to visit her.
The Nashville, Tennessee-based couple bonded over their love of travel. So even after breaking up their nearly five-year relationship last June, they decided not to cancel a planned trip to Europe for his birthday.
They were still living together while Nick looked for his own place as the August holidays rolled around, and the breakup was amicable, with Meza feeling the relationship had simply run its course. They also still co-parent their Mini Bernedoodle, Pavlov. “And then I said to myself: 'Let's go (on a trip)',” the 33-year-old said. “We travel very well together. It wouldn't be weird. » (Plus, their plane tickets were non-refundable.)
It wasn't weird.
If anything, Meza said, it was liberating. “We can be very different types of people on vacation,” she said. Even though Meza says Nick likes to sightsee and take lots of photos, she likes to move more slowly — maybe hiding out in a cafe where she can “feel like a local.”
Now that they've broken up, Meza, who works in brand marketing, said there's less pressure to do everything together or do what the other wants.
“Now we're like, 'OK, can we compromise? 'Like, is there a way for us to do both?' she said, even if it means being apart for long periods of time. “It’s just a different dynamic, but it still works.”
They also end up at the airport rather than going together and have cut romantic dinners from the itinerary. “And you know, we don’t connect, so there’s also that,” she said.
Meza said she felt “lucky” that there was no tension, and they have since taken another trip to Canada.
Meza echoed this. “I have exes who I would definitely never go on vacation with,” she said.
She encouraged travelers to adjust their expectations when traveling as a couple and to respect their companion's boundaries. “It wasn’t like when we arrived (in Croatia) there were rose petals and champagne waiting for us,” she said.
They are both single at the moment, but Meza said they understand they should also be respectful to their future partners.
“It really is like going on vacation with my best friend,” she said.
