Desert Travel Tips – Part 2
People are often told that it sometimes feels like you are wandering in the desert when you embark on a journey of discovery. That's why we call our podcast and this blog The Desert Sanctuary. This is especially true when you deconstruct religion. It's hard work and there are no set paths to follow, and it's best not to follow anyone's specific path. This is your trip! However, after interviewing hundreds of people on our podcast, we noticed that the things people told us helped them on their journey. We continue to refine this in our writing and interviews. Please consider these as general guidelines and not requirements. You will also have something to add to the list. If you missed part one, watch it here.
1. Listen to survivor stories without judgment.
When we ask women who have survived abuse and narcissistic relationships within organized religion what men could do to improve the situation, they almost always respond that they long for men to listen to the stories. of female survivors. We are encouraged within the religion to study theology, leadership, and growth practices. Survivor stories are often overlooked due to the time it takes to develop relationships and foster good communication. Listening well and becoming an empathetic witness benefits us all, not just women. Laura and I feel like we've learned a lot from listening to people's stories on our podcast. We always tell them that we consider their story sacred, that we will treat it with respect, and that we will do our best not to judge it. Listening will help us learn to navigate our recovery in the wilderness.
2. Tell your story when you are ready.
When talking to our podcast guests, most people are not professional speakers or people used to attracting attention. So they're usually a little nervous and we have to reassure them that we're not going to judge them because it's their story. But ultimately, people only tell their stories when they're ready. I think it's helpful to encourage you not to determine whether you should tell your story based on your perceived abilities or your past experiences. Interviewing over 350 people, I suggest the most important question is when it's time to tell your story. When you're ready, your story will be authentic, real, and beneficial to others. If you're doing it for other reasons, like popularity, and it's not the right time, you'll get a less satisfactory result. Telling our stories is good for all of us. Our authentic, vulnerable story will bring healing, inform others, and help us experience authentic relationships. I argue that we should have listened to fewer sermons and listened to each other a lot more. When you're ready, we'd love to hear your story!
3. Learn to trust yourself.
Organized religions and most other organizations operate on the erroneous assumption that we cannot trust ourselves because we are inherently evil. In these organizations, real and perceived hierarchical structures depend on a certain amount of shame to keep the organization in check. The organization always comes before the individual, and one of the Christian beliefs is that because you are bad, you cannot trust your intuition. This is why, in my tradition, I was taught to Trust and obey.and keep questions to a minimum! When we are taught not to trust ourselves, we give up our power and our voice. Those appointed to discern what is best for the organization rarely have time to listen to feedback from those who sit in the sanctuary. The people who tell us what to believe, how to act, and what we should pay attention to rarely have time to seek advice from people who are not appointed to leadership positions. Religious institutions have historically lacked and continue to lack valuable input from most of the population. It will take time, but start trusting yourself more now. Intuition takes some time and we need to learn what it means to think for ourselves and make our own decisions. Helpful guides will appear when we need them, but none of us need a narcissist to berate us into submission every week. This produces neither intuition nor wisdom. This is mass power and control – it’s abuse!
4. Learn to celebrate yourself.
Celebrating my accomplishments is something I look forward to during every project, but it's hard for me to do. Several guides in my life, including my current therapist, have reminded me of this fact. This question is a tricky situation I find myself in because I was taught early on not to be proud. The definitions of what pride is and what confidence is are tangled in my ego and false humility. Because ego development is an essential part of the first half of our lives, we understand that we must be determined and confident to achieve our goals. But if we don't celebrate after each completion, then the accomplishments leave us with nothing but the pain of wanting to do more. I realized that I was conditioned to strive for something “meaningful,” and then I lost my way when I realized that maybe it was all about the definition of what is meaningful. Most pastors, church members, and public officials are burdened by the injunction to “save the world.” After the last election, it's easy to think I could have done more, instead of just doing what I can and celebrating that. This thinking, while rooted in good intentions, can lead us down dark paths where our perceived ends justify the means. But even then, we don't celebrate, because it's never enough.
5. Trusted guides will arrive.
As a pastor, I used to seek out other pastors who I considered to be more successful. I wanted to learn from them, and somehow I thought that being associated with them would help me on my journey to becoming a good shepherd. Most of the time they would tell me, “Karl, I don’t have a magic bullet, just keep doing what you’re doing.” When someone in our field is seen as the best or most successful, everyone wants to hear what they say. In theological circles, a few get all the attention and take the stage to address the rest of us. Most of the spectators are wannabes for the audience on stage. We assume that because the system works for them, they can teach us how to work the system. I believe mentorship and guides are best expressed when we find them on the journey, instead of making the journey to reach the guide. I have personally seen guides appear in my life at strategic times when I needed them most. Every time this happens, I regret the time I wasted chasing after the people I wanted to love, instead of waiting for them to come to my side. Let us not recreate our future with the failed approaches of the past and seek to be and become what we desire to be. The guides will be there when we are ready and when the time is right! Stay tuned for more holiday travel tips! Be where you are, be who you are, be at peace, Karl Forehand
The Desert Sanctuary Podcasthttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-desert-sanctuary/id1345562241
Karl forehand is a former pastor, podcaster and award-winning author. His books include Out into the Desert, Leaning Forward, Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father's Heart, The Tea Shop, and Being: A Journey Towards Presence and Authenticity. He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary podcast and community. He has been married to his wife Laura for 35 years and has a dog named Winston. Its three c
