Many families expect their adult children to come home during the holiday season. For the most part, these adult children obey, returning home from the Brooklyn neighborhoods they have overcrowded to visit relatives who ask them things like “Isn't it so dangerous there?” But this year, many people are going against tradition, with the term “spending Christmas without family” garnering more than 17.5 million messages on TikTok.
Some people choose to stay at home rather than brave crowded airports in an effort to save some money. According to Allied Bank38% of Americans plan to spend at least $1,500 on travel and holiday gifts. But others give up tense family dinners in exchange for more affordable international travel. Journey reports that 35% of Americans will travel abroad this winter.
Whether you choose not to travel home to save money or to take a favorite trip somewhere a little higher on your bucket list, there is a way to break the news to your loved ones that can minimize tensions. Thrillist spoke with Go2AfricaTravel expert Justin Chapman explains how to tell your family they won't need to keep your table set this year. Here is his strategy, detailed step by step. And remember: this advice can apply to all large holiday gatherings this year.
Remember why you are leaving instead of going home
“The first step is to make sure you have a clear understanding of why you are choosing to leave instead of coming home,” advises Chapman. “Is it because you don't have a lot of free time throughout the year and it's the only time you can get away from it all? Is it because you're spending time with your partner's family, perhaps for the first time? Is it difficult to return home, either logistically or emotionally? It's important to remember your reasons for leaving, so you don't feel guilty about your decision.
Tell them as soon as possible
“The longer you leave it, the harder the conversation will be and the more upset you'll be — not to mention it'll be more awkward if they've already done all the food shopping and included you in their dining plans,” says Chapman. “As soon as you have made the decision not to return home, or as soon as your trip is booked, tell your family.”
Be honest, but gentle
“Honesty is the best policy. Don’t make up a lie that you have to stick to forever, and don’t blame it on money if that’s not the problem, because they might offer to pay,” says Chapman. “But maybe be gentle with the truth. Rather than saying that you can't deal with it because you can't deal with the same arguments you have every year and it's too stressful, maybe try something like “We wanted to try something new this year and give us a vacation and a little relaxation.” .'”
Keep the conversation calm
“If they get angry, it's because they probably feel disappointed or even abandoned, so give them some space and be prepared for them to be annoyed,” says Chapman. “Don't be defensive and you don't need to prepare a big apology speech, just acknowledge their feelings and let them know you understand they are upset.”
Propose alternative options
“Suggest an alternative to the big day, so you can still spend time together and celebrate, without the pressure that Christmas Day brings,” says Chapman.
Contact us during the holidays
“A quick phone call, Facetime, or even just a text message will remind the family that you haven’t forgotten them,” advises Chapman.
You can't keep everyone happy
“You don't need to apologize for your decision to leave instead of coming home, so be firm and stand by your choice, but be respectful,” says Chapman. “Some family members may be annoyed for a while, but remember that this time you put your own needs first, and you can't please everyone and enjoy your vacation!”
